Once upon a time in the 1950's, lived a Greek woman who was obsessed with the King of Rock. Instead of traditionally naming her son after the grandfather's name she decided to rebel and go with something else....... ELVIS.
Really? Is that reallllllly your name!?!??! Well indeed it was. When I met him for the first time I actually thought he kinda looked like him too. Black hair, kind of puffy on top with a little front curl, dark eyes, medium build but didn't really look like his profile picture. But this seems to be the theme with the dating sites...
So as usual, the beginning was weird. Right off the bat, I had that bad gut feeling the minute I laid eyes on Elvis so I just decided to go with the flow and try to enjoy the evening as I knew it would be going nowhere.
To start off, the conversation was good, but it usually is...well actually I'd have to say it was interesting. He got right down to business and decided to explain why it didn't work out with the other woman. (considering he was much older, I was a little curious)
"So this one ex-girlfirend went on vacation to Cuba. She said she would bring me back a little souvenir..." he started off.
Well that's cute I thought.
"....So when she came back I was excited to see what she brought me... She took out this really shitty souvenir from the souvenir shop. I couldn't believe she was so thoughtless and brought back THAT!" he began to explain defensively.
"Well isn't it the thought that counts???" I asked completely shocked at his reaction!!
"We'll it didn't matter. I realized that she had put no thought into my gift so I decided I wasn't going to date a thoughtless girl and I broke it off with her!"
Hmmmm okay is he seriously??? What a self-fish, greedy prick!!!! I thought he was going to say she cheated on him which would be total break-up worthy. But no, he simply just didn't like the gift she brought him back from CUBA!!! At this point, I totally shut off and noticed this weird growth on his gums. "What is that??? Ewwww that's so gross!!!" I was saying to myself. I'm sure my disgusted thoughts were written all over my face as Im really not good at hiding my emotions! (A nice mouth and teeth are a must. I guess its kinda one of my things).
Then he proceeded with the second story. Oh boy here we go....what? this one didn't make your bed properly???
"Then this one time, I was having this nice bottle of Porto. It was quite expensive and I thought you should know I DON'T have a lot of money! (okay random). She had finished her glass and mine was nearing the end. She poured herself another glass but didn't refill mine. I was so appalled that she hadn't thought of me I burst out in anger and immediately dumped her!" again he said angrily.
Now I just don't know what to say! " Well I guess your a difficult man to please Elvis. I guess these women are no Priscilla's!!..."
Blah. blah, blah, went on. Dessert came around and he reached for my hands and tried to feed me chocolate mousse. Oh barf! This is way too cheesy and I felt uncomfortable. We ended the night in a whisky lounge. I drank quite a bit cause I figured the alcohol would at least make me feel warm and fuzzy unlike this King of Douches!
The night finally ended with him saying if I was interested I should give him a call...
Yeahhhhh that never happened and I graciously lived without my King of Rock happily ever after in my own Graceland!
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
ps. Am I seriously everrrrrrrr going to meet anyone normal!?!!?!!?!?!!?
What a man!
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