Okay, so I need to make a confession....I joined a dating website.
I thought that after these awful dates( yet kind of entertaining because I get to write about them) I would join a site in order to be able to filter through all the douchebags.
I thought I would share some of the emails I have received as a FIRST contact from possible matches....
"Hello to u miss verey intresting profile so let's get to know each other nd see were it tacks uss" (Are you serious???? Haven't you heard of spell check!!!!!)
"Just a question but were you Miss_________ 2010" (Oh come on....as a matter of fact I was and now I'm Miss Datingsite 2011...!!!!)
"..... I work as a police officer and if you want I can save the uniform for you after dinner:)..." (This may be a little much considering this is the first email you're writing to me!)
"Hey yo...write to me." (Wow, need I say anything?)
"....You're only on this site to find a mate? Nothing else? ;), that's too bad..." (If I was seriously looking for a fuck- like you clearly are- I would not be on a dating site. Give me a break!)
Hmmmmmm, well so far it looks like it will be easy to get rid of the morons! Hopefully I'll meet ONE good guy....
While we're on the topic, some more confessions....
* My weaknesses are men in suits, charmers and dark chocolate covered
almonds.
*I watch porn and enjoy it! (girl on girl doesn't do it for me)
*Sometimes I like to do nothing.
*I don't always want to "Make love". Sometimes I just want to bang!
*I once had a one night stand. When I saw him a couple of months later, I had
absolutely no recollection of who he was and what I did with him. My friend
had to remind me.
OOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Sunday, 18 September 2011
mr. COCKZILLA
So after a couple of really bad dates, I decided to put down some ground rules...
1. Trust your gut instinct, its always right.
2. No kissing on the first date.
3. No emotional attachment (this means no sex unless.... A. you are 100% about the guy or B. you've gotten to the point where you just don't care ie: you don't see a future with him...)
Over the past few dates, I had only followed #3. Let's see how it goes!
I started getting a little bit more social with this guy I had known for quiet some time. He was a really nice guy to talk to, we enjoyed spending time together and overall just had platonic fun. We got together a couple of times, really just to hang out., nothing had ever happened between us. I'm not sure if I was ever expecting anything to happen, or was just plain not ready at that point in my life. One night we decided we were going to go out for dinner, have some wine and just decompress from our week. Perfect night!! and that's exactly what we did. (I'd after to say that this was after a good two months of just chatting and short visits to say hey what's up. )
Feeling a little warm and cozy from the wine, we were all giggles and good times. We made our way back to his place, the usual. We started acting silly and watching some stupid things on the net, really just letting it go.
You know that ackward momentary pause when you just look at each other and you know your going to kiss but just waiting to see who will go in for it first? Well there it was....... our first kiss. Quite passionate I have to say. I liked the way he used his tongue and suckled on my lips, he really took control. ummmmmm gooooodddddddd.
So we're really getting into it, the shirts are coming off, a little more making out and a little more touching. My jeans are unbuttoned and he slowly slips them off. (fuck I'm turned on, I'm thinking!)
Okay, so let's hope that 1. he is not "Mr. One Incher" or 2. "Mr. Grabs, push me down to no man's land!". I unbutton his jeans with some hesitation, praying I will not be disappointed.........
WWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL..................
Holyyyyyyyyy goshhhhhhhhhhh golyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy geeeezzzzzzzz
Okay ladies, you know we all mesure it this way. No I couldn't even be close to wrapping my hand around it! I could remember seriously thinking, is his kaboose really going to fit into my station!?!???!!?! Actually, maybe I should refer to it as a jumbo jet, king of the castle, gigantor....
Back to details, there was no need to push me anywhere I went on my own this time. So after some sucking, rubbing and tugging, neither of us could resist nor wait any longer.....one time, two time, three time, more!
After two long months of just blah blah blah, we finally did the deed. Mr. COCKZILLA has become my friend....with benefits!!!! I told him to make sure he was available whenever I wanted to take a ride on his disco stick and I'd be one happy camper. He smiled, and thus far has been available.
Moral of the story...I followed my guidelines. 1. check. 2. check. 3. check (...the latter part of course).
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
1. Trust your gut instinct, its always right.
2. No kissing on the first date.
3. No emotional attachment (this means no sex unless.... A. you are 100% about the guy or B. you've gotten to the point where you just don't care ie: you don't see a future with him...)
Over the past few dates, I had only followed #3. Let's see how it goes!
I started getting a little bit more social with this guy I had known for quiet some time. He was a really nice guy to talk to, we enjoyed spending time together and overall just had platonic fun. We got together a couple of times, really just to hang out., nothing had ever happened between us. I'm not sure if I was ever expecting anything to happen, or was just plain not ready at that point in my life. One night we decided we were going to go out for dinner, have some wine and just decompress from our week. Perfect night!! and that's exactly what we did. (I'd after to say that this was after a good two months of just chatting and short visits to say hey what's up. )
Feeling a little warm and cozy from the wine, we were all giggles and good times. We made our way back to his place, the usual. We started acting silly and watching some stupid things on the net, really just letting it go.
You know that ackward momentary pause when you just look at each other and you know your going to kiss but just waiting to see who will go in for it first? Well there it was....... our first kiss. Quite passionate I have to say. I liked the way he used his tongue and suckled on my lips, he really took control. ummmmmm gooooodddddddd.
So we're really getting into it, the shirts are coming off, a little more making out and a little more touching. My jeans are unbuttoned and he slowly slips them off. (fuck I'm turned on, I'm thinking!)
Okay, so let's hope that 1. he is not "Mr. One Incher" or 2. "Mr. Grabs, push me down to no man's land!". I unbutton his jeans with some hesitation, praying I will not be disappointed.........
WWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL..................
Holyyyyyyyyy goshhhhhhhhhhh golyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy geeeezzzzzzzz
THIS IS THE BIGGEST FUCKIN COCK I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
Okay ladies, you know we all mesure it this way. No I couldn't even be close to wrapping my hand around it! I could remember seriously thinking, is his kaboose really going to fit into my station!?!???!!?! Actually, maybe I should refer to it as a jumbo jet, king of the castle, gigantor....
Back to details, there was no need to push me anywhere I went on my own this time. So after some sucking, rubbing and tugging, neither of us could resist nor wait any longer.....one time, two time, three time, more!
After two long months of just blah blah blah, we finally did the deed. Mr. COCKZILLA has become my friend....with benefits!!!! I told him to make sure he was available whenever I wanted to take a ride on his disco stick and I'd be one happy camper. He smiled, and thus far has been available.
Moral of the story...I followed my guidelines. 1. check. 2. check. 3. check (...the latter part of course).
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
Sunday, 11 September 2011
Sam I am...
I went in for a couple of shifts to help a friend with her work. I met some nice people, but being so busy we didnt get to chat or get to know each other that well. The following week my friend confronted me that one of the guys was interested in me and was wondering if she could give him my number. Being single adn ready to mingle, I said for sure....
Phone call minute 1...
"Hi! How are you? It was so nice to meet you and work with you a bit. I know we didn't get much time to chat so thats why I asked "Mel" for your number"... " (okay he likes to talk...)
Minute 5...
"I really want to get together with you so tell me what works for you. Morning, lunch, dinner, coffee, drinks, downtown, another city, whatever, whenever,..." (wow this guy is VERY available...)
Minute 7...
"So I just want to put this out there that I really feel differently about you. I really think there is something there and I cannot emphasize how much I really like you. So please let me know when is good for you cause I really think you're different. I really want to go out with you...anything..." (SLOW DOWN...what are we at? minute 7??? holy shit!!! That is way tooooooo much information for me right now...)
Minute 9
me: "Okay it was nice chatting with you. As I have a really busy schedule I'm going to have
to get back to you to tell you if we can meet up..." (blah blah bs)
him: " Okay let me know. And really, I REALLY want you to know that I feel things are
different..."
So in my 10 minute conversation with a guy I met during two shifts at work, he had all this and WAY too much to say to me....
1 week later....
no response
2 weeks later.....
no response
3 weeks later...
no response
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
4 weeks later...
I find out he has a fiance in France! My ass I'm different!!!
Sam I am,
only you it will be,
eating green eggs and ham!
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
Phone call minute 1...
"Hi! How are you? It was so nice to meet you and work with you a bit. I know we didn't get much time to chat so thats why I asked "Mel" for your number"... " (okay he likes to talk...)
Minute 5...
"I really want to get together with you so tell me what works for you. Morning, lunch, dinner, coffee, drinks, downtown, another city, whatever, whenever,..." (wow this guy is VERY available...)
Minute 7...
"So I just want to put this out there that I really feel differently about you. I really think there is something there and I cannot emphasize how much I really like you. So please let me know when is good for you cause I really think you're different. I really want to go out with you...anything..." (SLOW DOWN...what are we at? minute 7??? holy shit!!! That is way tooooooo much information for me right now...)
Minute 9
me: "Okay it was nice chatting with you. As I have a really busy schedule I'm going to have
to get back to you to tell you if we can meet up..." (blah blah bs)
him: " Okay let me know. And really, I REALLY want you to know that I feel things are
different..."
So in my 10 minute conversation with a guy I met during two shifts at work, he had all this and WAY too much to say to me....
1 week later....
no response
2 weeks later.....
no response
3 weeks later...
no response
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
4 weeks later...
I find out he has a fiance in France! My ass I'm different!!!
Sam I am,
only you it will be,
eating green eggs and ham!
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
Monday, 5 September 2011
Mr. Grabs
One fun night out on the town, I locked eyes with this oh so very handsome man. It was an eye lock that made me want to smile but was too stubborn to let the grin out. On my way pasing him again, he grabbed my hand and started to dance with me. The night went on with more dancing and eye flirting Everything was just delicious! My night ended with number exchanges and nice text saying "It was nice meeting you beautiful, have a wonderful sleep". Ohh laa laa!
The following day, Mr. Grabs was very persistent in seeing me. This obviously sparked my interest and I agreed to see him that night. He came to pick me up and greeted me with a tender kiss (unexpected but I guess kind of nice!). The night was filled with a lot of converstions, laughs and giggles and some more kissing. I was really having fun and loving all the affection. As the night was coming to an end, Mr. Grabs offered to bring me to his place...this was a definite no, and I asked that he drive me home. In front of my place, we had the long passionate good night kiss but this time there was a little extra....he went for the boob! THE BOOB ALREADY!!!!????
I instantly pushed his hand away. Instead of the polite "I'm sorry", he asked "why????????!!" Well this may be because I just met you! I left the car immediately.The following day, I received cute texts and messages. Okay, so I'm thinking maybe this guy lost blood flow to his brain and just couldn't think straight..not a big deal. I'll ignore the grab.We made plans to see each other to next day...a movie. As usual, he picked me up, greeted me with a kiss and we headed to the theater. The movie was good, some cuddling involved and some kissing. It was getting late and I wanted to head home. We actually ended up having an hour and a half conversation in the car. We momentarily stopped for the kiss then continued to converse. Nearing the end of our conversation, we were having an intimate makeout when............
he grabbed again!!!!!!!!!! But worse along with a head push down to man's land!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!
I pushed his hands off from me and asked him to drive me home. At this point I was beginning to get frustrated as I politely asked him to stop because he was making me feel uncomfortable. I decided that I was not going to contact him for a while and stand my ground. Low and behold, the next day I get the sweet texts and messages...charming me off my feet (I'm a sucker for this!). He asked if he could bring me out again the following night. I decided this would be his last chance to prove he could be a gentlemen and simmer down with the grabbing....
Our night out was fun, full of kisses and dancing...no grabbing!!! Wow I was impressed! At the end of the night, he suggested going to his house (AGAIN), I refused and asked to go home. Now keep in mind this is only four days of knowing Mr. Grabs and three dates later. INTENSE much!?!?!??! The night ended the same way, a nice kiss.....and of course in for many grabs!!!!! He told me I was a perfect woman, a rare pearl...... Oh please!!! You're gonna have to go find yourself someone else to grab...cause it ain't me!
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
The following day, Mr. Grabs was very persistent in seeing me. This obviously sparked my interest and I agreed to see him that night. He came to pick me up and greeted me with a tender kiss (unexpected but I guess kind of nice!). The night was filled with a lot of converstions, laughs and giggles and some more kissing. I was really having fun and loving all the affection. As the night was coming to an end, Mr. Grabs offered to bring me to his place...this was a definite no, and I asked that he drive me home. In front of my place, we had the long passionate good night kiss but this time there was a little extra....he went for the boob! THE BOOB ALREADY!!!!????
I instantly pushed his hand away. Instead of the polite "I'm sorry", he asked "why????????!!" Well this may be because I just met you! I left the car immediately.The following day, I received cute texts and messages. Okay, so I'm thinking maybe this guy lost blood flow to his brain and just couldn't think straight..not a big deal. I'll ignore the grab.We made plans to see each other to next day...a movie. As usual, he picked me up, greeted me with a kiss and we headed to the theater. The movie was good, some cuddling involved and some kissing. It was getting late and I wanted to head home. We actually ended up having an hour and a half conversation in the car. We momentarily stopped for the kiss then continued to converse. Nearing the end of our conversation, we were having an intimate makeout when............
he grabbed again!!!!!!!!!! But worse along with a head push down to man's land!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!
I pushed his hands off from me and asked him to drive me home. At this point I was beginning to get frustrated as I politely asked him to stop because he was making me feel uncomfortable. I decided that I was not going to contact him for a while and stand my ground. Low and behold, the next day I get the sweet texts and messages...charming me off my feet (I'm a sucker for this!). He asked if he could bring me out again the following night. I decided this would be his last chance to prove he could be a gentlemen and simmer down with the grabbing....
Our night out was fun, full of kisses and dancing...no grabbing!!! Wow I was impressed! At the end of the night, he suggested going to his house (AGAIN), I refused and asked to go home. Now keep in mind this is only four days of knowing Mr. Grabs and three dates later. INTENSE much!?!?!??! The night ended the same way, a nice kiss.....and of course in for many grabs!!!!! He told me I was a perfect woman, a rare pearl...... Oh please!!! You're gonna have to go find yourself someone else to grab...cause it ain't me!
Signed with a kiss,
Dee Dee xo
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